I saw this on some blog but I thought it was funny and wanted to share it:
Funny Music Definitions
Bassoon: a bedpost with a bad case of gas.
Beat: what music students do to each other with their instruments.
Concert: a place where people go to cough and sneeze.
Conductor: Someone who is able to follow many people at once.
Counterpoint: a favorite device of many Baroque composers, all of whom are dead, though no direct connection between these two facts has been established.
Cut time: when everyone else is playing twice as fast as you are.
Drummer: someone who hangs around with musicians.
Half step: two piccolos playing in unison.
Male quartet: three men and a tenor.
Pitch: a tossing motion frequently used by band students to hand in music.
Trombone: A slide whistle with delusions of grandeur!
That’s real funny!!!
Take a look at this one!
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”
E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “you’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
I especially like the ‘note’ (no pun intended)
That’s all for today!